This post might be interesting because I am writing on a Brazilian keyboard which does not have an apostraphe symbol so I will just have to use the accent symbol like this: Hi ya´ll. Not much of a difference ;).
I am currently at my internship, Dançarte, and everyone is out to lunch. I have to wait until they all get back so that one of the editors can make sure one of the documents I typed up is all perfect Portuguese. So in the meantime:
I can´t believe I am leaving Brazil in a little over a month. You are probably going to hear me say that (see me say that) about a million times in the next month, so prepare yourself. I feel like I say that every five seconds. I spent such a long time fantasizing about Brazil before I came. The first post I ever made on this blog years ago was about my obsession with Brazil. It makes me feel empowered and happy to see my dream of coming here actualized. And I didn´t just come here, I lived here/am living here. I met amazing people, adventured, and grew in ways I can feel and in ways I can´t yet see, but I can feel it creeping up on me. I think that how much I have changed and grown will become especially apparent against the backdrop of home. I am so curious to see in what ways I relate differently to a world I used to fit into seamlessly. I have been told to expect certain ups and downs upon returning and I feel like I need to warn everyone to not expect me to be any certain way.
My twin, Olivia, gave some really good insight last week before she abandoned me for Argentina for a long weekend. She has lived and traveled all around the world and so, she has experience with ´culture shock´and the aftermath of living far away and returning home. She warned me that I will want to talk about Rio and Brazil all the time and that at first, people will be happy and interested to hear it, but at a certain point it might come across as bragging. I can already tell I am going to have lots to tell people, that´s probably natural, but it hadn´t occured to me that it could come across as rude or annoying. Olivia said that normal subjects in conversations will remind me of things that happened here in Brazil and just like everyone in the conversation, I will want to share a story from my life that relates. However, because that story takes place in a magical, far-off land, my friends and family may focus on the "When I was in Brazil..." part rather than the "so and so happened" part. I can easily see how that sort of thing could happen and I want to tell everyone (who reads my blog) in advance that I in no way want to brag. My life happened in Brazil this year and therefore, when I talk about my most recent past, it will likely have to do with Brazil :).
Cheers to getting ready to be an emotional rollercoaster! I won´t be riding an emotional rollercoaster, I will BE the rollercoaster.
I'm so glad I have my own room this year because even more than usual, I have been listening to the same songs over, and over, and over, and over....
I think I would drive anyone else crazy. It is a human thing to connect with music, and I find it very easy to get really lost in songs. I get lost in the lyrics, the melodies, the sound of the instruments and the singers' voices. I have been diving into these songs, among many, lately.
Somewhere between my head and heart,
Is my throat?
The freckle at the base of my neck?
Somewhere where these two organs connect in the middle...
Exists a field of wildflowers whom sit atop strapping stems
All as tall
As my third rib
Reeds and bells of blue,
And fog tumbles its way through the grasses
Much like me
Sliding up stalks
Cold air pocket
Like the bottom layer of the lake water
That is twenty degrees cooler than the water you dipped your toes into
The sun shines on my field of wildflowers
But I can't tell where it hangs in the big lavender sky
Frost crunches under boots,
Or calloused feet?
They are so numb from the microscopic icicles that hug the baby green...
This is a place where thoughts have no bearings
Feelings are as sturdy as the disappearing warmth from the disappearing sunlight
Where to sit until my heart refastens its net around my head?
Latticing my face with its crystalline spider web net
Hanging in thick, weightless tassels at the end of each hair strand
Glistening dew of thawed ice
The purity of purified rainwater
Gentle peepholes for my eyes
Instead of restricting my head, my heart's seine seems to make movement effortless
Shimmering falls, elegant trips, poised somersaults
Joined together at the freckle at the base of my neck
The center of this cohesive, milky fog
I had fun yesterday making collages so I thought I would do it again on this rainy Friday. Some of you are beginning summer today and I would like to send you a HIP HIP HOORAY for being done with finals and being at the best part of the summer, when it's all laid out before you. So many days of freeeeedom!